One Year In

Twelve months. Have I really been here that long already? Has it really only been twelve months? Sometimes it feels like time is flying by while other times it crawls along.

In the past year I've found cockroaches in my purse, killed massive spiders, and screamed in terror upon spotting a scorpion. I've been told I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm beautiful, I'm skinny.  I've watched the sky light up with stunning shades of pink and orange as the sun sets during my nightly bike ride with the neighborhood children. I've enjoyed countless meals sitting on a bamboo mat, eating sticky rice, and digging into communal bowls with my hands as I laugh and joke with my host family. I've played game after game of UNO with the children while older neighbors stop by and smile. I've been woken up at 4am by roosters, 5am by the neighbors tractors, and 6am by screaming children asking me to come out and play. I've been laughed at for language mistakes. I've been laughed at for cultural mishaps and misunderstandings. I've become outraged at the way overweight people, dark skinned people, disabled people and anyone who is different are viewed and treated by many Thai people I know. I've participated in weddings, funerals, graduations. I've become a part of my community. I've made friendships both in my community and with other volunteers that will last a lifetime. I've thought about having to leave here one day and knowing that it is going to break my heart. Other days I've thought about how desperately I want to go home, how desperately I want to be back in America surrounded by my family, surrounded by people who understand me.  I dream about warm showers, cozy couch cushions, and layers of blankets.

This last year has changed me in more ways than I can even begin to explain, in more ways than I even realize. It has made me more outgoing and confident, more accepting of criticism, more understanding of other cultures, stronger in my beliefs, and a better public speaker. I've learned many life lessons the hard way this year. I've been lonelier than ever before, yet at the same time more a part of a community than ever before. I've become outraged at some of the things that have been said to me, than later become close friends with the person who said them. I've been perplexed, confused, and dumfounded by the culture and people of Thailand, and still experience all of these emotions several times a week. I've learned to relax more, go with the flow, accept the fact that nothing ever happens when it it supposed to. I've learned to become more Thai while not losing my American ways. I've learned to integrate while still holding onto what makes me me.

Twelve months and I have already grown and experienced more than I could have imagined. I still have fourteen months left here. Fourteen more months to experience the roller coaster of emotions that seems to come hand in hand with being a PCV.